We all know someone who appears to be anti-social. They don’t get involved with other students, co-workers, or group members. They don’t show up at parties, go to public events, play sports, or seem to get involved in group activities.

Some of these people actually are anti-social and others only appear to be anti-social. The ones who appear to be anti-social are actually meeting their social needs through other outlets. For example, co-workers may think a person is anti-social because they do not participate in activities with co-workers; however, they are actually meeting social needs through church, an alternate group (hobby group, sports, etc), or even on-line.

Why are some people anti-social? Actually, there are dozens of reasons and it is amazing that more people do not become anti-social. Some people are anti-social from birth and for others it is a learned behavior.

Medical reasons for being anti-social are:

1. Asperger’s syndrome (autism) - this is a medical condition that starts to show symptoms in infancy. While people with asperger’s syndrome are people with autism who are considered to be “high-level” or functioning autistics; they still exhibit many symptoms of autism including a lack of empathy, they are unable to pick up on social clues, they avoid eye contact, they are unable to detect subtle differences in speech, tone, and accent, and they are preoccupied with only one or a very few interests. This medical condition is a virtual prescription for anti-social behavior.

2. Depression - people who are suffering from depression don’t want to be around any one. For some people this is a short term problem; but for others depression is a life long struggle.

3. Social Anxiety Disorder - this is the most common anxiety disorder today. This disorder includes fear of eating or drinking in front of others; writing or working in front of others, being the center of attention; asking questions; giving reports; interacting with people; using public toilets; and even talking on the telephone. Symptoms include; avoidance, feelings of anxiety, crying, temper tantrums, confusion, pounding heart, sweating, blushing, shaking, muscle tension, upset stomach, and diarrhea. This problem can be caused anything from a serotonin imbalance to psychological and environmental factors, Obviously, a person with this condition will be anti-social.

4. Allergies - if a person has allergies that are triggered by fragrances and/or foods they are not going to want to put themselves in situations where people will be getting together or where food and beverages will be served. How can a person be sociable when a stranger wearing perfume, after shave, or scented hand lotion can trigger a severe allergic reaction? How can they be sociable when a bite of food or sip of a drink can cause an allergic reaction from a not-visible ingredient?

5. IQ - while most people fall into the center of the bell curve for intelligence quotient, there are a small percentage who fall at the extreme ends of the curve; less than 70 or more than 140. The IQ is something a person is born with and even working hard to try to improve an IQ rarely results in a change of more than 15 points. As a result people at either end of the spectrun have few peers. Their brains actually work differently and their ability to grasp concepts is very different. It is not that these people are superior or inferior to the average person; they simply have very little in common with them. Since they have so few peers, unless they are able to locate peers in the local area they tend to become anti-social with others.

6. Chronic fatigue syndrome or overwork - the result is the same. If a person can barely drag themselves out of bed because they are exhausted all the time; being social is just too much effort.

Learned reasons for becoming anti-social are:

1 Abuse - people who are abused by parents or a spouse come to feel they are unworthy of friendship and may be forced to become isolated from others by the abuser. They may not want others to see the way they are treated because they feel it will not help and might make their situation worse.

2. Bullying - people who are being bullied are afraid to call attention to themselves. The think others will call them a coward and abandon them. It is easier not to be social; than it is to take the risk of being humiliated further.

3. Strong morals/ethics - if the people they are around do not share the same moral code or set of ethics that they have; then, they have no wish to associate with those people. If they are able to be around other people with the same morals/ethics; then, they may start to evidence social behavior.

4. Lack of common interests - when a person has nothing in common with the people around them, they have no incentive to try to behave socially. They cannot fit in even if they try; so, they stop trying.

5. Dislike of the company they are forced to keep - whether it is coworkers, customers, of fellow students; if a person actively dislikes the company they have to keep, they are not even going to make an attempt to be social with those people. They would be much happier if they can change their circumstances; but, that is not always possible.

6. Overprotected/sheltered - this causes children to become anti-social. The idea that the world is a dangerous place and that other people are dangerous takes it’s toll on many young people especially today. Yes, we want to protect them; but, we also have to encourage them to go out and meet new people and try new things. If we do not , we could destroy any chance of them becoming social human beings.

7. Hoarders - if a child lives with a hoarder they will be afraid to become social because they fear the scorn and commnets of others. If they are a hoarder themselves, they realize this behavior is not normal and they do not become social because they cannot invite someone to their own home and they are ashamed of their problem and living conditions.

8. Rejection - while this is not technically bullying, is a person is “different” and they are constantly being rejected by others when they try to be social; they will eventually stop trying and become anti-social. This frequently happens to people with scars, overweight people, people with disabilities, very tall or very short people, etc.

9. Preoccupation - some people become so preoccupied with their own problems that they drive others away from them. I am sure you know someone who has to tell everyone every little problem that they have; but, they never have time to listen to anyone else that may have a problem. Let’s face it after someone has heard about how terrible this person’s health is or how badly their children treat them or how they suffer at work for the millionth time; that preoccupied person is going to start to realize that fewer and fewer people seem to have time to spend with them any more.

As, I stated at the beginning, with this many reasons for people to be anti-social; it is amazing that more people are not anti-social.