Christmas has come and gone and so has my little girl. I don’t know if I like this growing old thing, kids moving out leaving me behind to pursue their own lives. I do want these things for them and I am very proud when they show me they are responsible enough to do so, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I’m usually not the type of person that gets emotional, but when my daughter left this morning I could not hold back the tears. Are we supposed to hold on, or move on?  Is it possible to do both? 

My wife and I have spent the last 23 years focused on raising our children with the wisdom and knowledge they need to survive in this dog eat dog world and we became quite comfortable with that. There are 3 boys still at home and 1 that comes and goes (I hope he can get focused soon himself), but it’s not the same.

They like to go all the time and when they do stay home they are bored with us and want their friends to come over, not just 1 friend; it has to be 2, 3 or an all out party. (It would seem they don’t understand that these boys come with appetites and my wallet comes with a limit.)  I’m getting older and would like to relax in my own home from time to time with just my family and not all the attachments.

I don’t understand what makes them want to be with their friends all the time. We tease them that they and their friends suffer from withdraw if they stay away from each other to long. It was like pulling teeth to get them to stay home and spend time with their sister, and when they did their friends were constantly calling them to see when they could be together again. It’s like it’s sink or swim, either we have to have a crowd over or they are all gone.

This has left my wife and I with a lot of time together, don’t get me wrong we are still in love and enjoy being together, but it has been a major adjustment. We do take advantage of these times, but it doesn’t take long before we are missing them.  I would like them to spend more quality time with us without the extra baggage. I feel bad when I make their friends leave and shortly after they are asking to go with them. These are not girl friends either, wow I hope they’re not gay! I have never found gay porn on the computer so I think I’m safe. Are mom and dad really that boring now? I suppose we are.

Now we have had to switch gears and refocus our energy, step out of that comfort zone in order to keep ourselves busy and from going insane. We are both enrolled in college, which is something we deprived ourselves of as young adults due to starting our family so early. I’m sure we will be moving on to grand-kids soon and there will be yet another adjustment. 

May the good Lord help me when menopause sets in on my wife. I think I need a sports car so I can go crash it. Another thing I wonder…. If my body hurts this bad at 40 how bad is it going to be when I’m 50, 60, or 70? Oh how I understand the saying “youth is wasted on the young.”  I believe It all comes down to the transition points in life. All the ones up till now I have welcomed with open arms, graduating high school, getting married, having kids, having more kids, having more kids, having more kids…. you get the point.

This one I want to turn and run from, but I cannot, I have to be that rock that stands strong and endures the storm. I feel I have led my life ten years ahead of where I should be and my body feels the same way. I hope I can be that rock and the person they expect me to be. I believe I will pause and take back those ten years and see what I can do with them. If only my body would pause with me. Some may like to call it a second childhood, but I would like to call it a well earned second chance at the things I wanted out of life.

Don’t get me wrong. Many people envy what I have, as they should, and I am very grateful for my wonderful family that Lord has seen fit to entrust me with, but I have put other dreams and desires on hold for the sake of my dream of raising a family. Since that period of my life is coming to a close, and a new one is beginning to open, I pray the Lord watches over me a little closer and holds me a little tighter.