Lies are an evil. It’s stated within the Commandments that one should not bear false witness. However, how many people live up to that standard? Most people tell lies, although they class these in different ways. The varieties of explanations of lies really does mean that while some lies are far from acceptable by people, others appears to be moreso. Does that make them right? In some cases, if the alternative is unkindness, perhaps it’s an easy way out of an awkward situation, though it’s a better way to learn how to use discretion rather than lies. It works better and gives more credence to what is being said.

The “friendly” lie

The types of lies that people tell are varied by the circumstances which promote those lies. If Betsy turns up for an evening out in what she believes to be her best frock, would it be kind to tell her she looks awful? Of course not, and this is where the “friendly lie” comes in handy, or does it?

A friendly lie is used to exaggerate the truth or to give a kinder than honest answer to her question about how she looks. If she believes that she looks great and asks a true friend how she looks, the true friend may avoid a direct answer, but instead suggest that the outfit may not be quite right for the event. This serves two purposes. The dress wearer will not need to be embarrassed when scorned in public by unkind people, and the friend did not resort to lies to help her.

The “white” lie

The white lie is one told which is in no way malicious. It’s a cover up job. If mom and dad are asked if the tooth fairy exists, they are not going to tell a child who has just lost a tooth that the fairy believed in is non existant. It would be unkind to take away childhood dreams and hopes. Instead, the parents would play along with the idea, just as they do every Christmas with stories of Father Christmas. 

White lies don’t hurt anyone. They are simply used to allow the imagination to flourish. The white lie is one which isn’t negative at all and is never used as a deception. It’s merely used to reinforce belief in something important. When used as it should be used, the white lie is the only kind of lie which can seem acceptable.

There is an interesting report by The Mail which states that parents tell 3,000 white lies to their children during the course of the children’s growing up years. Although seemingly harmless, the report states that parents tell these lies to get their own way with children. For example, telling a child that Father Christmas only rewards good children would certainly be one way to quiet down a noisy child. Other ways were described in the report and it makes interesting reading for any parent.

The way to work out if these lies are acceptable is to ask yourself if you eat crusts on the bread you eat as an adult for reasons you may have forgotten. Perhaps your mother told you it would make you grow hairs on your chest, but really, the reason she told you was that she didn’t want to see you waste food. Perhaps she can be forgiven for that white lie. After all, it worked didn’t it?

The “avoidance” lie

This is used when invited out or when people wish to visit and the would-be hosts do not want that visit. It’s a little rude but is used all of the time to avoid social contact, when no other excuse can be found. People who use this should be a little more thoughtful with excuses and try to be more honest. After all, people see through avoidance lies and get hurt.

Great big “whoppers”

These are lies that are blatant and people who tell these should have a good memory as often they are found out at a later date. The lies may involve pretense or subterfuge. They may be lies about where a person has been or where he/she is going. The great big whoppers are certainly not forgivable lies. These are lies which people tell while looking others directly in the eye, knowing that what is said is false. A good liar is a bit like a good poker player and may actually believe the lie which has been told. In this case, perhaps pity should be offered to the individual as it is usually a sign of self doubt or lack of self esteem.

These statements are backed up by psychologist, Robert Feldman, who was quoted as saying:

“We find that as soon as people’s self esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.”

Interestingly enough, measures were taken of how many lies a man or woman tell in the period of a day and although this can’t fit every scenario, the women scored better than the men with men lying six times as opposed to women lying three times. The biggest lie that most people told was “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine” when it was probably obvious to those asking questions that things were not as fine as the person telling the lie wanted them to believe.

So that about sums up the types of lies that people tell. It can be seen from this that there are many different kinds of lies. If telling white lies, perhaps crossing your fingers behind your back will actually cancel out that lie as superstition dictates. Who knows? Perhaps, on the other hand, by being a little more honest with friends and family, people will find that they too get lied to less.