There is a lot of debate over what obligations are associated with funerals. The answers to those questions don’t change the fact that funerals aren’t for everyone. Many people dislike going to funerals, but they attend for a variety of reasons. In most cases, they attend to provide comfort to those who are grieving. This is a kind gesture that many people appreciate.

Fortunately, I’ve only attended the funerals of two people, my grandfathers. I was closer to one of them, and it was my first funeral. It’s not surprising that I was miserable. I was old enough to understand death, and I immediately broke down upon hearing the news. As I went to attend the funeral, I wasn’t looking forward to it.

My grandfather new I loved him, and I wasn’t sure if we was watching me or not. If he was, he would know I loved him regardless of if I went or not. Although I went for the sake of my family, I disliked the entire experience. At a time where I was vulnerable, I was removed from the comfort of my own home to say with strangers. Following that, I attended a funeral where against my grandfather’s wishes, a relative managed to convince my grieving grandmother to have an open casket. I didn’t want to remember him that way, and I try not to do so.

As an incredibly introverted child, and adult today, I like to be alone. If I am upset, I appreciate the people I care about comforting me. Large groups of strangers make me uncomfortable, and I spent most of the time distraught and crying. It wasn’t an experience that, looking back, helped me. It forced me to deal with my grief in a specific way - not a way of my choosing. It wasn’t a celebration of life. It was a somber occasion where everyone got together to be miserable together.

If I could change the past, I’d still attend because it probably meant a lot to my grandmother and family. However, I don’t think people should be judged for not attending funerals. People should be allowed to grieve in their own way. I appreciate the gesture made when strangers attend a funeral, but I want to be left alone. People communicate the message the they are sorry for my loss and knew my grandfather. I don’t assume people are inhumane. I know you are sorry for my loss, and if anyone feels obligated to attend a funeral for my benefit, I hope they don’t put themselves through it. Funerals aren’t fun.

Honestly, I think the concept of everyone gathering together is symbolic, but it puts too much stress on the family. It’s much better if individual people meet with the family and exchange stories about loved ones. In a public space, people feel obligated to uphold a certain image. This isn’t as bad when people meet in smaller groups, and it can be much more comforting. Talking to people at funerals often feels like a social play. Everyone is acting the parts they know they are supposed to act, and the whole atmosphere is incredibly awkward. People do mean it when they feel sorry for your loss or cared about your loved one, but they also feel compelled to say it. If it’s not socially expected, it will mean more.

This is the interpretation of funerals one person has. They aren’t for everyone. You might still be obligated to attend funerals, depending on your viewpoint, but it isn’t something you benefit from doing. Some people get great comfort from funerals, and they find the experience rewarding in hindsight. Like many others, I am not one of those people. My method of grieving involves crying with loved ones, sleeping, thinking, watching television, eating, and doing a whole sort of lazy things until my mind recovers from the psychological damage of loss. It’s a lot less traumatizing that way.