The predicament of the African widow (and to some extent widower) is mired in both tradition and transition.  Traditionally the role of a woman is different than that of a man and these roles are clearly defined with women having less powerful roles.  Unfortunately this starts early and often women are not educated. For those who are educated life is different than it is for an uneducated woman.    As many families are tied to ancient  traditions and are incorporating transitions those ancient traditions which did have in them a certain amount of safety for the widow are changing. With the traditions in transition some protections of widows . Educated women , however, know how to protect themselves.

 Polygamy is prevalent all over Africa in countries that officially support it to those that officially ban it.  It is difficult to stop because of the culture that has long accepted it and because of the lack of education of the young girls.  Traditionally men who took many wives had to have a way to equally provide for them.  Many of the women in those traditional and mostly rural societies managed the small farm that was needed to sustain their children.  In collaboration with other wives they had built in child care, assistance and a social unit.    The men were the masters but in the space allocated to the women they had a certain autonomy.  Women were able to manage their affairs, sell their products and so on.  In the event of death their sort depended on whether or not the person was super important and other cultural conditions.  In some very traditional societies the wife or wives could be asked to die with the husband.  Others were taken by younger brothers as a way of assuring their survival and protecting the children. Some were and are thrown out, and others just try to manage. Marriage out of love is not a practice in all parts of the world, so the idea that the widow did not love the younger brother was not considered.  The consideration in these traditional practices was a social considerations for the woman and children and the need to be in a family.

My late husband grew up in such a family.  The husband of his mother died, she was re-married by one of his younger brothers as she was considered a woman they wanted to keep in the family.  I am glad she had no problem with this marriage or my husband would never have been born.  Unfortunately for me my late husband was not long lived and died rather young. I went to visit his family in the DR Congo and many of his relatives either hinted or suggested that I could marry them.  I was a bit thick headed and did not understand at that time how they could talk like that because they were already married.  I later came to understand the reality not the law.  I could have been taken in, especially if I had small children (which I didn’t, they were grown) as a second wife who would have no legal rights as the law in the D R Congo accepts only one legitimate wife.  Traditionally speaking, for those who are uneducated or unknowledgeable of the laws pertaining to marriage, a man can present himself to the male members of a woman’s family and ask for her as his wife.  They tell him what she will cost (it is a practice much like dickering for any other property) and if he pays the money and unless the family is more educated or a bit modern, he owns her.  However, if he does not legally marry her she, just like a common law wife in the US, has no rights to his property and can be thrown out like an old shoe in the event he dies.  If he is married legally to someone else, the legally married woman has the rights to the property, which according to the law is divided between the man’s family of birth and the family of marriage and the part to his wife and children is proportionally divided between the two with the children inheriting more of their father’s estate than the wife.  That is the law in this country and wills are very rare.  However the law does not often apply and even in my own case as an American woman who was the widow of a Congolese man, a part of his family (he had no brothers and his father and uncle were already dead) did their best to get what they could of what I had.  Because they had no right it was done by deceit, and later at another very African tradition, the “family council” I accused the same person..(that is a whole other chapter).

Again in my case, I am an educated woman and could never have found myself in that situation and been capable of defending myself unless I was educated. Many widows have told me their story and as I am an educated woman the friends I have are generally educated as well. In story after story the husband’s family did pose some problems (especially if there was real property such as a house or car) but if the woman was legally married, the mother of his children and had the force to insist for her rights they all had to go packing. I have heard of very sad cases as well, more from word of mouth rather than direct contact, but I think they are all correct. These other cases, again uneducated women, were thrown out when the husband died by the husband’s family, forcing a woman accustomed to living as a house keeper to scrounging around to find somewhere to live and if indeed she had children she often sought help from her family. I have heard of one strong woman who was eventually killed by the husband’s family. Again, if this story was true the normal process is for the woman’s family or friends or children to call the police. If the police find this to be true well the law of the land here does believe in capital punishment.

Being a widow is no fun. First, you find yourself alone, you blame yourself there is anger and frustration, and that is the same wherever you live. You could be blamed for the death of the spouse again wherever you are, either you were not attentive enough, you did not care for him properly , perhaps you could have done things differently. These things happen all over. What separates the rituals of death in Africa from those in the West is the mysticism around death. Death is often not seen as a normal thing, it is seen as caused by someone. In these situations the abuses of the widows are done by relatives seeking to punish the woman for the death of her spouse. What should also be understood, this is not done everywhere. To judge a society on the worst cases is not fair.

To understand where this idea comes from, why members of the husband’s family feel they have a right for the goods of their departed loved one it is necessary to understand a bit of the culture. To marry a woman a man must present himself to the woman’s family. At the time he arrives he must bring lots of presents and money. The woman’s family usually tells him what more he needs to give them to take the woman. Many young men do not have the means to come up with all that the future in-laws have demanded so they ask their brothers, parents, cousins and friends to help them out. Because of this when the man dies and no longer needs a wife somehow the custom transitioned and corrupted to take it all back with interest. A friend of mine explained that in order to protect his family he made sure that the « dowry », this demand of goods and money in exchange for the wife, was paid by himself so that no one would bother his family if he died. He also is an educated man (a medical doctor) and his wife is an educated woman. He has decided not to ask for the dowry for his daughters to protect and aid them. Many educated people are re-analyzing these traditions. Traditions die slowly, social change moves slowly and sometimes in odd directions. This widow abuse is among those traditions that are in change and some change is for the better and some is not.

Education is the key. Women need to be educated and understand their value to themselves and their families. An educated woman is one who can take care of herself and her family if her husband is incapacitated or passes on. An educated woman is aware of the laws and often educated women marry educated men whose families behave civilized. To end the sad story of widows thrown out we need to educate women. I often tell people here in the Congo where I live that I ,a white American, live among them because I am educated and capable of earning my own way. Had I not been so I would never have been able to be where I am. They too, must be educated and have the means to earn their own money, understand the laws, and have the strength based on knowledge of how to defend themselves or find defenders to protect them in the event they find themselves as widows; This is changing too, girls are still going to school in lesser percentages, but that too is changing. The change is coming but it comes slowly in traditional societies.