Most non-Japanese believe that women are subservient to men in Japan, particularly in family life. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Women rule the roost at home. They control the finances and make all important decisions in private. What is seen in public is just for show. True the men dominate in company settings, as that is considered to be the public face, but at home, the men are like fish out of water.

Essentially, life in Japan is divided between public and private roles. Men dominate the former, while women control the latter. Japanese men are not generally expected to fix things at home, as much as in the west, so appliances are often discarded prematurely. Professionals are called when something must be fixed. Although there is a trend towards do it yourself shops, this is still emerging.

Men tend to work long hours and return home late, so they are almost strangers at home. The stay at home mom is still the prevalent model, rather than dual incomes. Salaries are based mostly on seniority, so women with children often do not feel it is worthwhile to return the the workplace. Traditionally, women quit jobs upon marriage or when they get pregnant. This helps explain another trend which is women who never marry. Thus, foreign mail order brides are becoming more common, particularly for men who live in rural areas.

In America, men tend to carry the most weight in financial matters for the family, but in Japan, that role is taken by the women. In Japan, the man basically turns his paycheck over to his wife. She pays the bills and makes any financial investments. The man is generally given monthly spending money and if he needs anything more, he must request it. On the other hand, women often make financial decisions without consulting her husband. This obviously as profound implications for the financial services industry in Japan.

This has proufopund implications for family life. If the man is transferred to a new location, it is common for his family to stay behind. That enables children to stay in the same school and it avoids having to get a new home (the resale market for homes in Japan is not large, as most people want a new home.) In fact, retirement is often the first time that a Japanese man may spend very much time at home. Another trend is for divorces after retirement, due to irreconcilable differences that had not been apparent until then. That puts the man at risk for suicide

Why is this description so different from the popular image? Japanese women are often satisfied in the trade-off. The trade-off is not really so great. In exchange for maintaining a circumspect home life, the Japanese woman has great freedom with her schedule and “her” money.