In whatever culture you live, you know that there are undercurrents and there are the obvious.  When you break down the basic culture, there are the subcultures.  The differences between northern and southern United States culture is one way our country’s subcultures collide.  Are southerners more polite?  Let’s look at the differences.

* The “yes, ma’am”, “no, sir” phenomenon.  One of the most glaring differences is the fact that southern children are still brought up to respond to their elders in this old-fashioned way.  Some people find it charming, some are insulted because it implies age.  The fact is that a young person can sound disrespectful saying “Yes, ma’am”, just as another can sound totally respectful saying a simple “Yes”.  Anyone who has tried to have a conversation with a teenager knows that.

* Wait your turn.  It does seem that in the South, people will step back to let others through rather than push forward.  This applies to waving someone on while driving, to waiting in a check-out line at the supermarket.  It may stem from the fact that it is traditionally so hot in the South, charging ahead, even if a person was late, was just not practical in the old days.  Now, it is so frowned upon as to be considered un-cool to be pushy.  If you are too pushy when you are young, you are not confident; when you are older, you don’t have any “home training”.

* Deference to elders.  Holding the door or offering to help with packages or any of the “going out of your way” things that are attributed to the South can also be found in other areas of the country.  However, older people will pause and give you a look if you do not do these things in the South.  The implied shaming with that look works wonders.  If the look doesn’t get you, an older person in the South just may go have a word with your mother.

* Girls about boys.  One of the best ways to make one section of a culture act a certain way, is to teach the opposite sex to not to give them the time of day if they do not.  Girls in the South are taught from a young age that there are boys and then there are boys.  The bad boy who treats her in an off-hand manner may be attractive to look at, but most girls have been raised by their daddies that girls are of infinite worth, and that a boy had better realize that fact.  They are taught that the danger signs of a boy not worth her effort, range from not holding the car door to having the audacity to cuss in front of her mama. 

* Boys about girls.  Boys are taught that the kind of girl that you bring home to meet your family does not stay seated when an older person walks into the room, or laugh too loudly, or shrug and snap her gum when asked a question.  Boys in the South still think that a girl who gets in a fist-fight may be funny to watch, but unappealing to ask out on a date; and that they, in the words of Margaret Mitchell: “want a bad girl to have fun with and a good girl to marry”.  

* Undercurrents.  As previously stated, there are undercurrents in all cultures.  People in the South seem to go out of their way to be helpful, complimentary, and agreeable.  Some people from other regions find this to be disingenuous, or insincere.  It isn’t really.  It is felt to be only common courtesy to take the time to enquire about another’s family’s health, or say how good it is to see them, or invite them to come by the house.  Southerners are taught from the beginning that they can get the point across in subtle ways rather than blunt ones, and these are well-understood.  Other regions’ ways of being up-front and honest seem outrageously rude by contrast, when in fact they may be tongue-in-cheek and not to be taken seriously.

A lot about the South’s manners has to do with a stubborn clinging to a slower, small town way of life that is, to some, particularly charming.  It makes for subtle communication, reading between the lines, and minding your p’s and q’s around the old folks.  It also makes for people who actually do think that it is correct to make others feel at home, that the old gestures of politeness are valuable, and that quiet-spoken is better-spoken.

If you can get used to it, it sometimes rubs off on you forever.