Judging people is something that all humans do in every day life. One judges people by the clothes they wear, the cars they drive, the homes they live in and the company they keep. However, most of the ways in which people judge others is usually based on superficial appearances, rather than from facts gained by having a relationship with them. Unfortunately, everyone is probably guilty in engaging in this behavior at some time or other in their lives.

When this writers daughters were younger, they would often admonish her because she was very guilty of judging some of their friends based on their appearance. For example, the young people who had blue or purple hair, and wore spiked dog collars for necklaces always upset her. Her daughters, however, would often tell her that appearances could be deceiving, and that if she actually knew these people and their circumstances, she might have a different opinion of them. It took this writer a very long time to learn that her daughters may have been right about this particular issue. They were right; sometimes, appearances can be deceiving.

When one goes through life, they encounter people who always seem angry and become upset easily, seemingly by the least little thing. Perhaps if one were to look behind that anger, they would see a person who is in extreme pain because of something that is very wrong in their lives. Maybe they have an elderly parent who is ill and that person is worried about how to pay for the ill parent’s medical expenses. If the seemingly angry person is actively engaged in daily care-giving duties as well, he or she may be even more stressed and depressed, but to the world, it comes across as anger. If people would take the time to get to know the person and the particular situation, they might have a very different opinion of them, and perhaps even be able to offer some practical help.

Someone else who might need help is the elderly lady who lives down the block and seems difficult or tends to yell at the children. When she closes her door to the world, maybe she is extremely lonely and experiencing financial difficulties in paying her bills, but again, this comes across to others as anger or frustration with others. In reality, this lonely elderly lady would welcome someone offering her a hot meal on a cold winter’s day, or coming to see her and just chat with her on a regular basis because this would help ease the lonely days.

These are just a couple of examples of times when many judge people by their appearance or behavior, when in reality, if one knew their circumstances, they might begin to understand that underneath the anger is often a lot of personal pain. If one stopped judging people in such a superficial way, and took the time to build relationships with them, they just might help ease their pain at least a little bit.

All too often, the old adage that “you can’t judge a book by its cover” is very true.