Forgiveness is the most difficult challenge we face in life. Releasing a person who has brought pain to your life is often something that is out of reach for most of us. There is much to be gained by forgiving, the most important of which is the personal freedom gained by making the decision to release the person and the pain. It is sad, but true that forgiveness is responsible for many bad decisions we make and results in health problems from moderate to chronic.

The questions for most of us is how to forgive. In my personal experience understanding where the person who has offended me is coming from, has been an invaluable tool in being able to let go of my own hurt and anger. Understanding the offender’s behavior does not excuse it or make it right, but there are times that we must let go for our own sake. 

My marriage is recovering from infidelity. I never thought I would be able to forgive and move forward. The hardest thing for me to comprehend was the “why” when everything looked so perfect and we seemed to be so happy. As it turned out, there was a why. My husband had been carrying a secret; the pain of molestation as a child, that planted the seed of sexual addiction for most of his life. Understanding that helped me get to the place of forgiveness that I would have needed to be able to move on with my life even if we had not been able to reconcile.

Did that information excuse his behavior? No. But it did open the door for rehabilitation and rebuilding that would never have been possible had I not understood what drove the hurtful behavior.

Often times, in less extreme cases, all that is necessary to understand can be found by looking at our own life course. Each of us has made bad decisions and taken wrong paths that caused pain to others, sometimes deliberately, other times by accident. In light of our own shortcomings, it is easy to understand that others are making their own mistakes and we may have gotten caught in the fallout. With that in mind, it is much easier to forgive and let go. 

Remember that you have made some mistakes in life and caused some pain, too. Then forgive and release someone else. You will be better for it. Holding in bitterness and unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. When you understand that, it’s much easier to let go and move on with the important things in life.