The Effective Communication Principle

In our world of convenience and technological advancement, many different communication mediums exist. For each of these mediums, one must also consider the outside influences that affect its use before they can be a successful communicator. Things as simple as the audience, timing of its use, and relevance of subject matter to the setting, all play a part of effective communication. There are, however, many other less obvious and often overlooked communicative considerations that become its breakdown, leading to many unintended messages, mishaps, wasted time or money, and strained, even failed relationships. As such, effective communication continues as the bridge to many of our greatest achievements but in its ineffective form can be as equally destructive.

The single most important principle of effective communication is the action verb, listening. Listening on every level requires one to take part mentally in the form of cognitive participation or information processing. While requiring no physical activity, listening continues to be an acquired skill a surprising number of people have never learned to do well.

Hearing, like eyesight and taste, is an innate sense most are born with and utilize immediately upon birth and quite possibly before. Listening on the other hand remains as a cognitive function and process. Listening provides the foundation for information exchange or communication. Unlike hearing, we choose when, who, and what information we process and how often we process it. Listening could then be described as our own personal information filter that we quietly control and that which is responsible for a widespread epidemic, we might call, overactive filter.

Listening can always be improved upon in our personal relationships. Let’s assume for example that A is the person speaking and B is the intended recipient. Subject A, appears to be effective in the delivery of information to B, who gives customary nods and occasional “a-has.” Nearing the end of a rather lengthy and a bit emotionally exhausting recap of the events; B regurgitates a question that indicates their complete mental absence, starting with “Once upon a time.” Suddenly the emotion and excitement A has just expelled, filling up the communication line for intended retrieval and reflective return, is lost like air wildly escaping in an untied balloon. B has now sent a nonverbal message to A that most definitely says, “I’m not listening” or possibly “what you say really bores me”. It subtly hints, “you’re unimportant.” Lastly, and rather truthfully it says, “I just pretend like I’m listening to pacify you.” While often times these non verbal messages are not what we mean, it is understandably what one might perceive. This type of miscommunication breeds discontent and underlying strain in all types of relationships, both personal and business. It’s also possibly the most destructive of its kind due to its less than direct nature, having a tendency to be unaddressed by its facilitators, at least temporarily that is. Repeated offenders beware! Not only will your quiet escapes attenuate to decibels resembling those of a sonic boom; you might wakeup one day feeling like you missed out on some important pieces of your life and your rewind button is stuck, probably overuse!

Another related communication misfire, happens when we are required to remember someone’s name. Sudden “name amnesia” afflicts a rather large number of people who cannot remember the name of someone they met not more than one minute ago. In fact, immediately after hearing the name they may not remember it. Name amnesia can be embarrassing and boldly confrontational in social settings where recalling one’s name, is a requirement of social skills 101. Taking not more than 2 seconds of our time, simple cognitive processing (active listening), or even repeating their name back to them in introduction, is an effective way to cure this embarrassing affliction. Later on you can use their name when addressing them. Though a seemingly small gesture, many are impressed and warmed by the simple fact that you remembered their name.

Music, another communication medium, is one that is commonly heard but not listened to. Similar to how it is recorded, music contains many layers and even numerous melodies. The main melody in a song, probably because of its most audible tone, is effortlessly identified, and generally the only one noticed by the average listener. The rest of the sound making up the whole is involuntarily caught by our personal filters, robbing us of full enjoyment. For those we might call musically inclined, listening occurs on a multi-level, a skill they acquired through artful and mindful listening. This skill, while being developed over time, can be the most rewarding in its ability to bring enjoyment of a new kind to the ears of those deserving. Fairly stated, some hear music and others listen to music. Try enhancing your musical experience by listening and focusing on the background music/vocals instead of the obvious ones. Try picking out any additional rhythmic melodies and instruments, aside from the main melody. It is not as easy as you think to identify, especially to an untrained ear. If it seems like none exist, keep listening, you will eventually begin to hear things you never had, now tuning into the richer side of music. Not only will it get easier with practice, until you are tuning in effortlessly, this skill will bring a lifetime of enjoyment and an advanced appreciation of music.

Listening, while being an essential part of effective communication, is not always an easy task. Long periods of “tuning in” can be exhausting, especially if the topic is not one of particular interest. Sometimes we are forced to listen to subjects we are not interested in, like in the classroom. What is important to remember is that without our attentive listening, learning would not be possible. When speaking, our learning and growth is stagnant. We are sharing our point of view, and as a result, add nothing to our own knowledge pool. When listening, growth occurs through the retention of knowledge. Simply put, when we speak, we are sharing, when we listen, we are learning. In the classroom, as a way to provoke involvement and enhance the students likliehood of learning, a teacher may have a lecture in a discussion style. Students in this setting can make comments along the way, or raise their hand for a question. For many of us, this style of teaching is an aide in our learning. By allowing the students to share information, and by initiating active participation, one is less likely to “tune out.” Overall, it provokes reciprocated listening that is required for successful two-way communication. Most of us have experienced the classroom setting where the entire hour consists of the teacher lecturing, possibly leaving room at the end for questions. This tends to be the class we dread and where we struggle to corral our wandering minds. This type of communication, though possibly covering more subject matter, is most ineffective due to the low retention level from its students. So while learning, or the act of listening, is mostly controlled by the individual, others can enhance and even provoke our ability to learn by the method of delivery used in the communication process.

Overall, listening skills are imperative for our growth as individuals, as a nation, and a prerequisite for effective communication. Improving this skill is the pathway to better relationships, greater knowledge, and enhanced enjoyment. Exponential growth is possible in all of us through cognitive listening, and the process of opening our minds not our mouths.