No child is perfectly polite all of the time. As the mother of two preteens, I have witnessed some of the most rude behavior I ever hope to see in my own home. At the same time, I have been complimented more times that I can count on the good behavior of my children, by friends and strangers alike. People from both groups have asked me how I am managing to raise such polite children when the age of rudeness and disrespect for authority seems to be getting younger every day.

There is a poem entitled Children Learn What They Live, by Dorothy Law Nolte. I truly believe this. Few things are more confusing to me than when a parent uses no politeness with their children whatsoever, then has the nerve to wonder why theses kids are rude themselves. While no child is perfect, it seems to me that if you want a certain behavior from a child, they first have had to see the behavior somewhere.

The longer we wait to use this method on our children, the more difficult it will be to sink in, I believe; but it is never too late to make an effort in raising good human beings. From the day our children are old enough to understand (usually even before they can talk), we should use manners with them. For example, “Can you please give Mommy the toy?” or “Thank you for putting that away.” Then, when they are speaking themselves be sure to praise the good manners they use, and remember to use manners in return. “You’re welcome.” “What good manners you have!”

Starting this polite way of interacting with people at an early age creates a habit in our children that with a little luck will last a lifetime. Granted, once they start playgroups, daycare, or school, our job becomes exponentially more difficult. Now they have the outside influence of children who maybe weren’t taught manners at home. I noticed with each of my children, and continue to notice as they get older, that my once-sweet kids will suddenly display behavior that I would love to wring their necks for. While I would never claim to always be cool, calm, and collected; it seems that the most effective thing I have tried is just to express my disappointment in the lack of manners, and continue as I always have in using politeness with them. That is not to say that punishments are not handed out when deserved. I’m certain there are times my children are just waiting for the nuclear explosion that is my temper depending on what they have done.

While my method may certainly have more flaws than I realize, people that have met my children cannot dispute the simple fact that I am never embarrassed by their public behavior. When the kids are with another family, without my presence, I am always delighted to hear the unsolicited exclamations of what polite, respectful little people they are. I have often told friends that my children seem to save their worst manners for me. My wish for parents is that you have the same experience. I am thankful every day that although my horned angels share their ugliest sides with me, no one else that they meet throughout their day will see that side. They save the worst for me, but remember to treat everyone else with manners and respect. And if I’m being honest, their “worst” is really not so bad at all… and on occasion they remember to treat me with those same manners and respect too.