‘Pushover’! Might as well have tattooed it on my forehead when I was a child. After many years of always saying ‘yes’, I am learning how to say ‘no’ more and more. It is still a challenge.

I love helping people. So much in fact, I have nothing left to give and still find ways to give somehow. There is nothing better than the feeling one gets from helping a person. There is nothing worse than realizing you are being taken advantage of or taken for granted by others. The mean words and hateful expressions on their face when you say ‘no’, cannot help but hurt. You are sitting there wondering why they show no appreciation. Why do they continue to ask even after they know you cannot help?

After many losses by helping people, I finally told those people ‘no’ and stand firm. I am still working on the ‘no’ from the get go with new people I meet. A few months ago, my neighbor asked for help with groceries with the total ended up being $110. They still owe me. On top of that, there are the numerous knocks on my door for food items and toiletries even. To add to that, I have watched their daughter. The original plan was to watch her for two weeks in June. It rolled over into July for a few weeks. Then, I came down with the flu and had no idea they had assumed I would watch their kid again. Monday morning comes and at 5:00am I am getting a phone call asking why I’m not awake. I said, “You said I was done watching her for the summer and I got the flu from you daughter. I cannot watch her.” What did she say? “I guess I’m going to get fired!” and hung up on me! No thanks, no concern. NADA! This from the person I helped over and over after their hernia surgery, watched their kid ‘more’ than I was supposed to and bought food and items for. I have a budget that leaves me with $20 a month for laundry. It took a ‘lot’ for me to offer help in the first place. I did not mind it and thought I’d at least get some appreciation instead of being taken advantage of.

This is an example of a recurring situation in my life. I sit in a dump because I have given my whole life.

‘My’ choice has changed to ‘no, no, no’. If kindness and love from my heart is not good enough -Goodbye! And, yes people are angry at me but I no longer care. I have helped until I’m in the position where I need help now.

Where are all those people I helped? Mooching off of others and not lending a hand still. I gave without expecting anything in return. I got nothing in return. Shameful!

I refuse to be a Pushover! Every penny I earn is for my children. If that sounds selfish, well call me selfish but don’t call me a pushover anymore!