An old Chinese proverb states the following: “Life just gives you time and space, it’s up to you to fill it”.

That is very true. Our presence upon this Earth and the space we occupy are gifts bestowed upon us through no effort of our own. We are nurtured by our parents and/or other caring adults until we reach an age at which we are hopefully capable of making wise decisions in our own behalf. Sadly, the arbitrary age at which a child is considered an adult doesn’t guarantee wise decisions nor responsible behavior.

It is at this point that the “filling” mentioned in the proverb becomes the sole responsibility of the newly minted adult. Children who were reluctant to heed guidance from their parents before they received adult status are unlikely to listen afterward. From this point on, their lives become the product of their desires and their decisions. Selfishness, laziness, immaturity, irresponsibility and an uncaring attitude will lead to a life filled with sadness, regret, family problems, physical problems, mental problems, problems with the opposite sex and financial difficulties. On a positive note, unselfishness, a strong work ethic, mature and responsible behavior and a positive and caring attitude will lead in the opposite and desired direction.

One of the most important factors that tend to get children started on the wrong path is their choice of friends. Sadly, parents often play a large part in these unwise choices. The child who is shy, backward and lags behind his peers also lacks the confidence, desire or personality to become a part of the group that is more assertive and self assured. Parents who fail to do everything within their power to involve their children in activities that enrich the learning experience and actually develop a desire to learn, are definitely at fault here. If a child is confident and self assured they develop the normal self-esteem necessary to reach out and become a part of the more positive group.

Parents must also be aware that self-esteem itself may be a problem. While it is very important that children develop a normal level of self esteem, that self-esteem must have a valid basis and it must have been earned. The view of “Dr. Feel Good” that high self-esteem is the “holy grail” of child rearing that parents must instill in their children at all costs, has thankfully been discredited. Remember, a normal level of self-esteem that has been earned is essential. However, any level of self-esteem that hasn’t been earned is self-defeating as it leads to feelings of self-worth that haven’t been earned and aren’t deserved.

The bottom line here is that parents must be ever vigilant as to what they allow to become a part of their child’s life. Older children and young adults who should be capable of positive decisions in their own behalf, must never forget that their life truly becomes what they choose to fill it with.