As a human I think the ultimate choices that we make in life are those that will affect someone else’s life. Decisions we make that affect other peoples lives are even bigger than the ones we make that affect our own lives. The biggest choice someone can make that effects another’s life is to take another life. Its unfortunate, but this is not an uncommon choice that has to be made in this day in age. Of coarse people do it criminally, but I’m referring to is the legal act of taking someone’s life. I am talking about a decision to end another person’s life and have no legal action taken against you.
Soldiers deal with that every day. The “kill or be killed” rule is drilled into them almost to the point of making it a way of life. There is something inherently wrong with that mental feeling and I think that is the reason so many people come home from war with so many mental problems. I can only speak for myself, but when I was 19 and 20 I was exploring my first years of college and being away from home. I remember being scarred out of my mind making, but now that I think back of it was nothing compared to what a soldier 19 or 20 years old is going through these days. I was deciding on what books to buy while that same aged soldier is being ordered to kill other people.
I work in law enforcement though so I think about a question that has been asked me by many police officers in several interviews “can you kill someone” or “would you shoot someone”. They are not looking for someone to say “yes” with no hesitation. They are looking for someone who will say “yes” with some thought behind it. I say “yes i can, and would” and that day might come when I have to pull my trigger, but that does not mean it won’t bother me. How many people in the rate race of life can say from their heart “yes, I can kill someone” could you? It’s easy to say it, but can you feel it to? If you want to find out, find someone who has a gun, a real gun, not a toy and ask them to take you to the range, put a dummy or a picture target down range, and then point that gun at the target. Close your eyes for a few minutes, and picture a person, open your eyes. Can you pull the trigger with that thought that you’re shooting at a real person? a more realistic scenery might be if someone is attacking you, yes, you would think its easier, and definitely more justified in self defense, but the thoughts are the same. In the end, that person has a good chance of being dead by your hand. Could you do it? In my profession I have thought of that scenario thousands of times, and it has taken me that many times over and over to tell myself “yes I can and would”, but in some ways, it problems me that I can think that way.
I think to myself I hear the word “gun” or I see someone draw on me, I don’t know how I would react, but I have confidence my training would kick in and the situation would must likely be over in less than 2 minutes. When I grew up I always made a conscious effort never to say “I’ll kill you” I did it, just because Its not a good thing to say, I felt it was wrong and since I hunted I new what killing really was. No though, at work in a matter of seconds I can be put in a situation where that is exactly what can happen.