If you talk to people in a devastated society about the grief they feel over loved ones, their grief is mixed. Not only do they have to deal with a personal loss, but the safety net of a balanced society that would normally help them to cope is gone. Take the example of Haiti, where whole communities had to try and rebuild lives from the embers of disaster. It’s beyond the imagination of most people because it’s too devastating. The death toll following the Haiti disaster was something between 45,000 and 50,000, but that’s not an isolated case. Earthquakes and disasters happen worldwide.

Children at a school in Wales were buried alive in 1966, when a landslide buried the school. Society was traumatised as helpers carried the small bodies of 85 young children out of the wreckage. Society stood back with grief as the parents identified kids who had left for school that morning and were now dead. Twenty-eight adults were also killed.

Although there are vast contrasts between these two examples, what they have in common is a society traumatised by events that happened beyond the control of anyone, where families had to deal not only with grief, but with the trauma of the vastness of the situation. 

Of course, no one can imagine themselves in a situation such as this until the day it happens. Life stops; the mind is too numb to take in the vastness of the loss sustained. Trauma for those who watch the events unfold is minimal in comparison with that felt by victims. The Canadian Psychological Association came up with guidelines for their citizens, realising that it wasn’t just people directly affected by the 2004 Tsunami who would suffer grief. People all around the world suffered grief, though none as devastating as those who were in the area at the time of the disaster and lost family members. 

So how do families deal with being torn between grief within a traumatized society? Using the Tsunami as an example, where people were traumatized and society was at a standstill through shock, post traumatic stress levels were high. Dr. Gaya Gamhewage of the World Health Association reported from Sri Lanka on the day of the Tsunami and figures released following the event support that post traumatic stress was felt by not only the families within Sri Lanka, but also by the world. The families who were torn apart by the Tsunami had to wake the next day to the realization that many family members were gone, but also to the realization that the infrastructure they had taken to be a normal part of their lives was no longer in place.

Many families turn to aid associations for help with restoring some kind of routine to their lives. The essentials of eating, sleeping and dealing with day to day needs take precedence over them being able to grieve. There is nothing normal in their lives and in order to regain strength, people in this kind of situation need first to build an infrastructure, albeit simple. Families with members suffering post traumatic stress will try to help them or go to agencies who provide support, as often the scope of grief is beyond the knowledge of stronger family members. 

What is apparent with all kinds of world disasters is that people pull together and gain strength from each other. Families turn to those who are strong enough to help, and strong family members help not only their own family, but those in need of their assistance. The human spirit is very strong. The devastation is something none of the people who encountered the trauma will forget and the grieving process may take years to start. The fact is that the way people deal with grief differs from individual to individual, but the enormity of situations such as these is such that it makes the grieving process stop in its tracks for a while until some kind of normality can be restored. For many families, this will take generations. For others, the grieving process is a shared feeling that family members are able to talk about with other members of the family and talking is a healthy way forward. Many will not be able to discuss the event and may need professional help. 

Being torn between grief and the trauma of the society in which someone lives is very hard. Churches, aid relief agencies and volunteers can help people to rebuild the infrastructure of their lives, though it takes much more than that to help restore the mind to go through the stages of acceptance and the ability to say farewell to those who have been lost. By human strength alone can these families be helped to restore faith in life and then, when the time is right, to go through that process of grieving.