Throughout the past 10 years of my daughter’s life, I’ve tried to teach her the art of being grateful and the importance of expressing thanks to others. These are lessons that have been instilled since she was little. When she was very small, and unable to write her name, I would write a simple Thank You note and have her sign her scribble name at the bottom. I would read her the note so she could understand and see what we were acknowledging and then have her perform the important task of signing the note. She felt good about this, and saw it was something special. When she got older, she would write her own Thank You notes and sign them. And send them. Promptly. None of these store bought pre-printed notes that say, “Dear______”, “Thank you for the ______”. I really liked it.” “Love, ______”.

She also knows that waiting more than a few days to send a Thank You is not proper. She knows that not saying Thanks to someone when they go out of their way for you, or even for simple things is being ungrateful. And being ungrateful is not a good reflection on someone as a person, or on their family. We’ve had discussions about how her behavior reflects of us (her dad and me), as her parents. And similarly, how we behave as parents reflects on her.

Here’s the deal that I’ve noticed since becoming a parent. Not all parents believe in the same principles regarding expectations and manners.

I’ve always been old fashioned. When the phone rang in my house, if my kid was going to pick up the receiver and answer the phone, she darn-well better be able to answer properly and be able to communicate and speak properly to the caller. That would include a greeting, “Hello?” And, “Yes, you can speak to X. May I ask who’s calling, please?” “Okay, just a minute.” or, “Hello?” “No, I’m sorry, she is unavailable right now. May I take a message?” To which point, my daughter is expected to grab a pad, and pen and write the message down.

I have to say it is frustrating to call someone with young children who cannot answer the phone properly or communicate on the phone. It’s a waste of time and aggravating to hear some child pick up the phone and then breathe heavily, drop the phone and forget about the caller or have to have everything spelled out for them. In other words, parents, please - if your child cannot communicate properly to answer the phone politely and take a message if necessary, then just turn on your answering machine! It would be easier for all involved.

Here’s another gripe on gratitude since we are on the subject. I’ve been a carpool driver for several months now, and I have to say that auto-etiquette is a subject that needs to be addressed. That would include, getting out of the school building promptly when dismissed and not forgetting any belongings in the building. The kids in my carpool are almost always late coming out of the building, then they forget something inside the building and have to go back in to the building to retrieve it. By this time, the schoolyard is empty and even the staff are leaving to go home for the day. I’ve sat patiently as this occurs (more often than not), and I’m getting tired of it. Have courtesy for the driver and the other passengers, for other people have after school activities and things to do, too. And the driver (me!) has been there at the school for at least 30 minutes by the time you saunter slowly back to my car with your retrieved lunch box. Can you say aggravating? At least put some urgency in your step. Once you get to my car, don’t put your feet up on the seat. Put them on the floor and please keep on your shoes. Especially those passengers that do not wear socks. Should the radio is on, be happy you have music. The driver doesn’t need to listen to Radio Disney the entire drive. If Radio Disney is on, be happy you have it on. Don’t gripe. Don’t fart. Don’t play with the electric windows. Essentially, buckle up and let’s get on the road.

In the morning, when I arrive to pick you up on time, don’t make me wait. If this was a “bus” it wouldn’t be waiting for you to finish your breakfast or to finish your spelling pre-test, would it?! Don’t eat toast (or any breakfast food) in my car. Yes, I know my car is not new, but crumbs are a hassle, and again, would you take food on your bus? When we get to school, it would be nice if you said goodbye or Thank You as I hand you your overweight backpacks and lunch boxes. When I say, “Have a great day!” cheerfully, it would be nice to have a reply. I’m still waiting for the “Thanks for the ride!” or just a smile and a good-bye, but that has not come yet.

Because this is what I observe and experience daily during our carpool ritual, I have reiterated to my daughter, the importance of saying “thanks” for the ride to our carpool host. I am HOPING that my daughter will be a better role model and maybe this will rub-off on to the kids in the carpool. I’m not so sure, though. I think gratitude is something that is ingrained early, for best results.

Ingraining early…that is something that stands out in my mind, as I think about a Pokemon trading card expo that took place at the mall several years ago. A friend of ours took his son to the Pokemon card expo, and there was a flurry of activity with loads of children. Kids had their prized Pokemon cards stacked and displayed all over the floor and on tables of the seating area. After about an hour, our friend said to his son, “Okay, Ryan. Time to go. Pack it up, now, son,” and Ryan obediently packed up his cards and stood up, ready to go. Another parent observing this said, “Wow. I’m going to have a hard time getting my kid out of this place. How did you make him do that?” To which our friend replied, “Ma’am, it didn’t start last night”. How true.

These lessons, whether it be teaching a child the importance of writing a Thank You note or imparting to them the appropriate behavior as a passenger in a vehicle (someone else’s vehicle or our own) are lessons that don’t start when they are 8, 9 or 10 years old. Heck no. They are lessons that start when they are babies, toddlers, preschoolers. I truly believe that a child is never too young to learn these valuable lessons of behavior and basic etiquette. The problem is, most parents are waiting way too late to even start.