When thinking about an ethical will, I am always reminded of my favorite movie “The Notebook”. In the very beginning of the movie, James Garner states: “I am no one special. I am a common man, with common thoughts. I have lead a common life. There will be no monuments dedicated to me. And my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone had ever lived; and for me, that has always been enough.”

This movie was about a love story between him and his wife; how they met, fell in love, split up, and then come back together again. It is the traditional story that supports the phrase: “If you love someone, set them free…. If they come back, it was meant to be.” When his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, she wrote a journal about their life so that her husband could read it back to her when she could no longer remember him or much of anything; with the hopes that she would remember again.

But to speak of ethical will on a far deeper level than what this movie even portrays……

An ethical will can be written in many different formats. It can be a formally written letter (typed), a hand written letter, a journal, a scrap-book, or perhaps even a collection of letters or greeting cards saved by other people. It can be anything that explains in detail the persons beliefs, moral values, and opinions. What they hold dear to them, have a passion for, appreciate, and profess to be in life. It is to give the reader an inside look at the soul of the individual, or to even remind them of who this person is, and the legacy they left behind. It is written to be passed down from generation to generation, appreciated, and valued as a part of their family history, or a tangible piece to hold on to.

I personally have written an ethical will in several different formats. One of them I call a “Life List”. It is a list of things that I strive to perfect, however, will never graduate from until the day I die. Things such as: listen to my children with a caring ear; honor my mother; be the friend that my husband needs me to be; laugh every day; continue to strengthen my relationship with the higher power; and so on…. I have also kept several different individual journals, scrap-books which include brief journals regarding specific events which the photos display, and letters that I have written about every day life, my experiences, my beliefs, values, and opinions. The reason why I have done these wills is so that they can be passed down to my children and their children. Also because I am not a big talker, but like all of you members here….I am a writer, and therefore I can explain more to you about me through a letter than I can in a single conversation. And I want my children especially, to know who their mother/grandmother is, what type of person I am.

But for those of you who are confused about where to begin writing an ethical will, here are a few tips to narrow it down. Do you live on a daily basis with high standards, morals, and values? And are they? What are the things that you hold dearest to you? It can be yourself, a spouse, your children, God, etc. What do you honor in life?

Your legacy is not necessarily what you accomplish in life materially, but what you profess to be as a person, the experiences you have, and the people who you are blessed with. Think of the things that would matter to you if you had no more time here on earth. Would it be the raise that you didn’t get at work, or the tree that feel on your car during the storm? Or would you be most concerned about the friend who was diagnosed with cancer, or the card your child made for you at school?

So much of the time we get caught up in our daily routines, challenges, responsibilities, and concerns; that we don’t think to acknowledge the true value of our life and what we have been blessed with. When push comes to shove and at the end of each day, do you know in your heart that what really matters in life is to settle in the evening with your loved ones, knowing that you’ve expressed your love once again, and created some real lasting moments to treasure forever?

Think about how you approach each and every day, and how you deal with certain circumstances. Because it is how you deal with “life” everyday, that is what makes your legacy, and describes your ethical will. Not to say that other concerns in life are useless, or don’t need your attention. But these things don’t need to consume you, and all of you. Because they aren’t the most important thing in life, and they aren’t the things that make up your legacy.