Overheard in the doorway of a restaurant as a man who is entering the place holds the door for a woman as she is leaving:

Man: “Evening ma’am.”

Woman: “Good evening sir. Glad to see chivalry is not dead.”

Man: “No ma’am. Not as long as I’m breathing. But it is definitely dying in this century isn’t it?”

Overheard in same restaurant not two seconds later:

Woman: “He was so disrespectful to that woman. I should go give him a piece of my mind.”

After talking with several of the people that witnessed the above dialogue it seems there are many women who think that acts of chivalry such has holding the door for lady or lighting their cigarette and other such courtesies are indeed disrespectful to women.

First off, let’s define what we mean.

chiv·al·ry

[shiv-uhl-ree] noun, plural chiv·al·ries

1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.

2. the rules and customs of medieval knighthood.

3. the medieval system or institution of knighthood.

4. a group of knights.

5. gallant warriors or gentlemen: fair ladies and noble chivalry

-Dictionary.com

What we all think about as the rules or customs of knighthood have come down to us from the middle ages in a ‘chanson de geste’ or “songs of heroic deeds”. Specifically from the “Song of Roland” and is thought to have been composed around 1100 A.D. It spells out a certain code of conduct for knights. The only line in it concerning women states that knights should always seek “To respect the honour of women.”

But let’s face it, men in the 21st century aren’t thinking of an ancient code of conduct for knights when they are performing acts of chivalry. Most men today don’t even know that it was once customary for a gentleman to hold out a chair or as we’ve mentioned open a door for a lady. Not only customary but said male would be severely chastised if he failed in such courtesies.

Today, most of these chivalrous acts are forgotten but a few remain. I still enjoy lighting a Lady’s cigarette, or holding that door open. But most folks are uncomfortable seating a Lady at the table, or helping her into the car or standing if a Lady comes into a room. And I have heard many women actually take offense to such courtesies.

It seems that those who take offense to these acts of chivalry, think that we who do them, do so because we believe a woman isn’t capable of doing it herself. I can almost see that point. Men of that time and through the years had a very different view on women than most men do now, (Thank the Deities that we’ve grown that much at least). But how many men who do these almost anachronistic courtesies are really thinking that a woman isn’t capable of lighting her own cigarette? Or incapable of sitting down to dinner. Or opening the door by herself. So, is it really disrespectful to women?

When I stop to light a cigarette for a Lady, or hold the door open or sometimes, pending on the environment, stand when a Lady comes into the room, it is certainly not disrespect that motivates me to do these things. To the contrary, it is out of respect and honor. It is because I was taught to be gentlemen and that is how you treat a Lady.

But alas, chivalry is dying. Today it is an uncommon occurrence which I think says something not so good about humanity in general.