The Y Chromosome Could Change Your Life -

Having a Y chromosome is a liberating thing.  While women spent decades fighting for equality, what they were really fighting for was the right to forget where the scissors are once in a while.  Or the salt, or the spaghetti drainer, or any other thing that a person has to actually spent time finding.  Women wanted to be able to yell out to anyone within hearing distance, “WHERE did you put the SPATULA?” and have someone show up, go right to the spatula, and hand it to them. 

With just one Y chromosome, women could forget how to do laundry.  They could throw a big pile of unsorted clothes into the washer, have everything come out pink, and have no one complain about it.  They would to be able to answer the phone, take a mental message, and report to their partner later, “Phil or Bill or something called and it’s really important but sorry I didn’t get the number.”

With just one Y chromosome, one can profess to not knowing how to change the toilet paper roll and just leave the TP sitting somewhere within reach, even if it’s in the sink.  One can also leave dirty socks lying on the kitchen counter, or even better – on the dinner table, just in time for company to show up.  The Y chromosome would enable women to leave dirty dishes stacked so high, it looks like a Parker Brothers game of skill.  The Y would also instantaneously improve the use of a remote control and one’s grilling expertise.

The Y chromosome grants the freedom of never again stopping to ask for directions when driving somewhere, ESPECIALLY when hopelessly lost.  It also changes the way a person experiences “vacation.”  And this could be a pro or a con.  Instead of leisurely rest and relaxation and wasting time stopping to read the roadside monuments at points of interest, the Y-chromosomatic person can zoom through vacation after vacation at 60 mph without compunction.  Think of the efficiency of occasionally glimpsing landmarks like the Taj Mahal or the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but not really caring much about its special place in history. 

Of course, one of the cons of having a Y chromosome is having hair growing out of one’s nostrils and ears – those wild, crooked shoots that remind you more of tree branches than actual hairs.  And there’s the hair on the back.  It’s impossible to shave that, so a new cottage industry would have to be developed: back waxing. 

The Y chromosome would convince one that it’s ok to wear the same underwear for seven days in a row.  And it would remove the inhibition of belching the entire alphabet.  I don’t know, maybe that would actually be a “pro” for some people.