“I’m not a feminist or anything, but I do believe that men and women should have equal rights.” “Well, I’m not a feminist, but yes, I’m definitely pro-choice.” “I’m not a feminist, but I’m really tired of people blaming rape victims instead of blaming rapists.” 

Sound familiar? You’ve probably heard or even said something along these lines before. Statements like the above are very common, and many people are not aware of their inherent contradictions. People who say “I’m not a feminist, but…” are disavowing feminism while still expressing feminist thoughts.

There is quite frequently a disconnect between feminist attitudes and feminist self-identification. While there’s no shortage of people (of all genders) who hold feminist beliefs, a much smaller number are comfortable actually identifying as feminists. Feminism has gotten an undeserved bad reputation. By definition a feminist is, quite simply, a person who believes that men and women should have equal social and political rights. By that definition, there’s nothing negative about feminism at all. Unfortunately, the word feminist does not necessarily conjure up the right image. Instead, many people hear “feminist” and picture a hairy; bra-burning; unattractive man-hater.

Of course, there are people who know that the angry; unfeminine man-hater is a ridiculous caricature but who still don’t feel comfortable calling themselves feminists. Both men and women have a number of reasons for eschewing the label.

Feminist men sometimes avoid self-identifying as feminist because they feel that they have no right to the term. Those men will frequently identify as pro-feminism or as feminist allies instead. Other men who share feminist attitudes may decline to self-identify as feminists because they don’t want to deal with the reactions of other men. And some men simply feel no need to identify as feminists even if they do believe in the value of equal rights.

Women shrink from the feminist label for a number of reasons. Some are concerned about being perceived as somehow anti-male. Some worry about being viewed as unfeminine. Some are unaware that feminism and traditional femininity can coexist; they believe that feminism requires them to behave in stereotypically masculine ways that would make them unhappy. Some don’t want to cause trouble or to have to deal with aggressive anti-feminists. Some wrongly associate feminism with lesbianism. And, as with men, some simply feel no need to identify as feminists because they mistakenly believe that feminism is no longer necessary or important.

The only way to correct the disconnect is through education. If you want to learn more about feminism without investing in books or in Women’s Studies classes, there are a number of excellent websites run by bright young feminists that can help. Consider checking out http://www.feministing.com, http://www.feministe.us/blog/, and http://www.shakesville.com to start. For a site that’s less serious but nonetheless heavily frequented by feminists, try http://thehairpin.com and read the comments. Also, consider looking into Jaclyn Friedman’s and Jessica Valenti’s respective work.

With a little research and reading, you may start identifying as a feminist and/or start encouraging others to do the same. And from there, you and your new allies may start correcting the problems that feminism exists to address.