Having been reared in a “traditional” household, but in a little less-than-traditional way, I have two thoughts about men sharing the household chores. My mother was the one who did the work inside the house; my sister and I learned to help her and to also be the ones who did the work. I had to make my brothers’ beds before school each day, after making my own. I had to make sure their clothes were in their right places, as well as either being folded correctly or ironed correctly. I also had to take care of my own. I had to help keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the clothes clean and folded or ironed. The boys had their own work to do, but they were NOT expected to help inside the house, unless it was a special occasion.

As I grew up, I managed, at times, to help the boys with their work. If I got my work done early, Mother would allow me to go out and help them stack wood or carry it to the house, work in the garden, or even mow! Sometimes, I even got to help them saw the wood or split it for our wood heater! But I was still the only one of the four of us (my sister and older two brothers had already left home and married) who was EXPECTED to help inside the house! After all, I was expected to grow up, get married, and have children, and I NEEDED to KNOW how to do those things! I DIDN’T need to know how to cut wood, mow, or plow, etc. (But I WAS expected to know how to plant the seeds, reap the produce, and put it up correctly!)

However, that changed when I decided to go to college to learn to be a teacher. My mother didn’t think that I needed a college education, but she couldn’t stop me from going. And my baby brother followed me to the same college, two years later; that was when she finally decided that college might not be so bad, after all. And when I married a man who taught in that same college, she was thrilled to think that I would be a professor’s wife.

And I was a professor’s wife for over 25 years. Then I left and divorced him; I had finally decided that I wanted to be my own woman.  The restrictions put on me had gotten too much, and I needed to find out exactly WHO I was! By that time, too, I had finally begun teaching at the same college I had graduated from (also the one he taught at), and could support myself. So I lived happily single for a while, before I went to a high school reunion for the first time and met the man I ended up marrying almost a year later. We had graduated from school together and had been friends, but had never dated. When we met at our reunion, we spent hours talking and catching up on each other’s lives.

He is the one who now is the “man of the house”, while I am the “housewife”! I do almost all of the housework, and do quite a lot of the mowing and weeding. He sometimes will pick something up and put it away, but never manages to get much done inside. He works a lot outside, at his sawmill, or in the garden, on the tractor, etc. (I also help with the garden, but not with the tractor, etc.) So I am basically back to “square one”, where I started. I am the one who does most of the work inside; I help outside; and I get little help with the house. (I also pay the bills and do the major part of the shopping.) I know that, if anything happens to him, I can do most of what NEEDS to be done, because I have done it before. And I know that he CAN do the housework and cooking, because he has done it before; he just doesn’t enjoy it, and he prefers that I do it. He would prefer that I NOT do the mowing and weeding, but he hasn’t told me NOT to do it, either! (He knows that telling me that would not work; I would still do as much as possible, anyway; it gives me the opportunity to get outside for more than just a trip to see if he needs anything!)

Yes, men and women SHOULD share the household chores. But, in most households, they don’t. I know that, for the first years of their marriage, my son did the chores, because he was unable to work and his wife had a job. She also hadn’t learned how to do much cooking, from what they told me, and he had been cooking for years. So they switched the roles; I don’t know whether they do now, or not. But they are in the minority, as far as the roles go, and most couples still rely on the wife to do the cooking and housekeeping. The men need to do more; I’m not holding my breath!