When Black women give into the idea that they should have unprotected sex with their partner fully ignorant of the fact that he is on the down low they open themselves up to a world of hurt and shame. What a blow to your femininity, the fact that the man is engaged in sexual relationships with other men. But even aside from those brothers that are on the “down low”, many men may be having unprotected sex with other women outside of their relationship and that places the Black woman in a unique position to do everything she can to protect her own health.

It isn’t that Black women themselves are not promiscous and that they do not engage in affairs themselves outside of their primary relationship. What this is about is that they will allow the man they are with, particularly if he is their primary boyfriend or especially if they are married, to pressure them into having unprotected sex. That still astounds me; and this speaks volumes to ignorant perceptions about masculinity amongst African-American men as well.

I understand that after being with someone for some years the gloves come off and unprotected sex is a way of getting closer to your partner and a way of ensuring trust in the relationship; intimacy is a natural progression amongst humans in interpersonal relationships, and a lot of layers are shed not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, literally and figuratively. But if you are out doing your thing you should either bring protection back into the relationship, or just stop cheating altogether. Let’s say that you have just gotten with the girl though and are already pressuring her, trying to manipulate her into going at it sans condum. Like if she really liked you she would do it, or she doesn’t trust you if she is asking you to wear protection.

That’s just rediculous; men do that, and then as soon as someone gets pregnant it isn’t theirs and the same goes true for sexually transmitted diseases. I’m not saying that the temptation to cheat isn’t there, that is totally unrealistic, but what I am saying is that you have to protected sex with someone. Oral sex is risky, but it’s easy to see how people do that without protection as there are but a few degrees of seperation between that and kissing anyway. In the heat of the moment you are either going down there, and throw caution to the wind, or you let someone else do that to you. But actual intercourse is something different entirely.

But I’m probably special in that regards. I’m weird about that type of thing and wouldn’t engage in sexual activity without any protection with someone even after having known them for quite some time it would just take a lot for me to open up like that. It wouldn’t matter to me if that person was still a virgin I’d still insist on it, it’s just hard to have that type of trust I’m still paranoid thinking back to all of the friends I had over the years whom clearly were infected with something, or just upfront about it, left thinking that could have been me I don’t know.

The Superman complex is understandable when you’re 20. You don’t think you will ever contract any STDs and you think that you are going to live forever. But when you’re thirtysomething or older you should be resolved of the issue, certain that you are going to protect yourself regardless of what he says. This isn’t to say that some women themselves would not be insistent upon going at it freely as well, but at the same time it’s just a game of Russian Roulette if you do, you’re really taking your life into your hands. Everyone does some incredibly stupid things in college, but after that you have to think clearly.

It isn’t about being self-righteous or anything as I’ve gotten off scott free it would seem, but the women I’ve known that have herpes, though fun loving at times and easy going, seem to be absolutely miserable as the former could be a mask for the reality of the later. It’s just depressing, to think you may not ever have kids, could easily contract HPV or develop cervical cancer, or just the simple fact of having to disclose that before doing something with someone. Yeah I know pretty much everyone is carrying the virus around dormant, but just because a third of those who are sexually active will develop a full blown case of it does not mean that they necessarily need to either.

It’s like you’re already like eliminating 2/3 of the prospects right there. It’s not HIV, though it seems that in some ways it could be worse at least with AIDS there is some consolation in the fact that you will inevitably die from the disease, just don’t give up in a fit of suicide, keep trying to live, trying to fight it. Instead you’re more of a leper in the middle ages; some people don’t care, some people do it’s no real way to know how that will go. Someone who is totally self-righteous about it could get angry and upset with someone else who has it even though there was no logical need for them to disclose that to that individual.

You could be blessed and not even know it. Being of good sexual health isn’t something you can take for granted anymore. Better to be alone than to trade that in and sacrifice your future for a night with someone that says that they love you; you never really know that, just having that trust and faith in someone to take your needs and safety seriously and respect you. Seriously, it’s all relative you just do not really know for yourself, it’s just that you are trusting someone, trusting God, that everything will be okay. It’s a shame really; protect yourself, don’t get all paranoid about it I’m not suggesting you continue to wrap it up with your husband of 10 years, but if he is acting strange you may want to again, better yet just refuse to have sex with him …