Gratitude, by definition is that quality within each of us that allows us to show that we are warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful. Most of us have experienced being grateful at one point or another. Some particular action of care from another that makes you feel that you, as an individual are important or that your survival is important. Gratitude is an acknowledgment of having been helped. Showing gratitude towards others usually makes people feel good about each other. I would venture to say that gratitude would include someone’s willingness to receive HELP. If you don’t believe this, try helping someone who does not want your help!

Yet, every day we see people who are truly ungrateful and when we are closely connected to them, this can make life unbearable. One might wonder if anything can be done about it.

If we look at the definition of ungrateful, we can get a better understanding of what can be done. The dictionary shows ungrateful as: unappreciative; not displaying gratitude; not giving due return or recompense for benefits conferred. Here, the definition is expanded upon to include, “not giving due return or recompense for benefits conferred “. It is with this definition that we can clearly see the give and take aspect of gratitude. But it is the acknowledgment of help received that completes the concept of gratitude. Whether that acknowledgment comes in the form of a favor returned or a thank you is not important. What is important is that the person who has received, gives “due return” to the one who has given. It also requires that each person grant importance to the other.

A child bringing a pretty flower to a preoccupied mother might not get “due return” from his mother. One of the simplest forms of gratitude, love, has been blunted. Though not purposefully done, it happens often. On the opposite side you have a mother who continuously gives to the family, is never acknowledged, becoming resentful because no one appreciates her.

The healthiest environment is one that would keep a balance of giving and receiving as well as recognizing and acknowledging when one has been helped. Charity often gets a bad name because this balance can easily shift, resulting in upset. Too much charity can make a person feel indebted or unworthy and can result is greater unhappiness. If a person helps another they should at some point give that person an opportunity to give back. Likewise, if you receive something from another, you should look for opportunities in which you can return that help. There is no set rule on how this is done and it is usually worked out on an individual basis. Each situation depends upon its own agreed upon exchange. This results in raised confidence, improved relations and happiness.

Grateful people tend to be happier and healthier while ungrateful people tend to be unhappy, callous and bitter. Their quality of life could be said to be much lower than a grateful person’s. But, personal values are just that, PERSONAL. You cannot force a value on another. You can however, set an example for them by being a role model. Show others they are important, notice when another is trying to show you that you are important and acknowledge these efforts. You can also teach these values and offer others an opportunity to try them out in life and to judge for themselves. If you would like to be happier in life you can try this out for yourself and see if it works for you. Look for those relationships that aren’t going as well as you would like and see if there is anything about them that you could acknowledge that would somehow express genuine gratitude.

When you look for the goodness in others and acknowledge it, you begin to appreciate the goodness in life. If you concentrate on the lack of gratitude expressed to you, don’t be surprised if you, too become ungrateful, callous and bitter.