Relationship needs are more important than individual needs. Love cannot co-exist with selfishness. That doesn’t mean that an individual’s needs are unimportant. It means that when you trade your single status for a relationship, you have to learn the true meaning of compromise.

When your partner wants to go for a long walk, and you want to watch a Knight Rider episode, what do you do? Do you put your need to see David Hasselhoff interact with a talking car ahead of your spouse’s need to interact with you? Unfortunately, most people would say, “Yes.” We have been brainwashed into thinking that the only person whose needs matter is ourselves.

Compromise means putting the interests of the relationship ahead of the interests of its elements. If your partner is a football fanatic, don’t expect him to be excited about having dinner with your parents on Super Bowl Sunday. If you expect him to give up the big game to please you, then you are trying to test his level of commitment. Likewise, he shouldn’t expect you to host a dinner party for his friends on the day of your high school reunion. The same holds true if you are the football fan. Missing the game to take your spouse to the emergency room is a necessary sacrifice. Spending the day with your in-laws is not.

Putting the needs of your relationship first isn’t an exact science. You will need to carefully determine which path is most beneficial to everyone in the long run. Of course, you should never put your health, safety, and well-being in jeopardy in order to meet the needs of the relationship. The point is that although selfishness occasionally has its place, it is not the way to nourish a marriage or partnership.

Stamping your feet and shouting that you want things your way is not conducive to success. Satisfying your urges and desires without regard to your partner isn’t the road to suceess either. If each partner whole-heartedly attempts to put the greater good ahead of individual concerns, the result will be a more compromising and loving relationship.

Listen to what your partner is telling you, even if it means turning off the television to do so. Show him, or her, that you care, that you are open to a different approach or an alternate activity. This doesn’t mean that only one partner should have his/her needs met. It means that each partner should benefit equally from decisions made as a couple.