Throughout history there have always been problems in a persons immediate or extended family. But for a person that wants to resolve problems or conflict, they will need to understand about the individuals in the family.  

All people are individuals and this is due to each and every individuals belief system, the belief system being something that the subconscious will develop as a person matures from adolescence to adulthood and will be the foundations that will define that individual. There are two main types of belief system that the brain uses when aiding an individual to make a decision. The practical or physical belief system (proven beliefs) and the theoretical or verbal belief system (unproven beliefs).  

The physical belief system is something that a persons mind can prove to be true. When an adult tells a child for the first time “don’t touch that it’s hot you will hurt yourself”, the child will touch the object to prove if the statement is true.  When the child touches the object they experience pain which registers to the subconscious as a true statement which a person will refer to time and again throughout the course of his or her life. This is probably where the old adage of “you learn from your mistakes” comes from.  

The Verbal belief system is something that the subconscious mind cannot prove as this is what a person hears from those around them. A child that has been brought up in a family that praises them for their achievements, tells them that they are loved and has a childhood filled with positive reinforcement, will grow up to be a successful individual that believes that they can accomplish anything. When one of these people are put down by others, their mind will reject the statement as untrue and the individual will continue to live a happy life.  

Unfortunately this does not happen in all families, some individuals will be brought up with a negative belief system. This is often found when children have been mentally abused by those around them. If a child is told that they were never wanted, they were a mistake and that they are useless, the subconscious will believe that these statements are true. These people will have little self-esteem and when others attempt to encourage these adults stating that they did a good job, their mind will reject the statement as untrue.

Problems in the family will extend from those that have been brought up with a negative belief system. Individuals will look at these people and deem them a problem because they have no understanding of what that person is thinking.  Most often these people will put those around them down and berate them as that is how they have been brought up and in a sense don’t know any better.

In most families there may be a drunk Uncle or Aunt that always causes trouble for the rest of the family; in this case the individual is hiding from the problems that they think they are unable to control or solve. They have found a substance that stops all the negative thoughts they have towards themselves and washes all of their problems away.  

For those that wish to help these family members, a person must aid them in realising and helping them to resolve these issues that they are hiding from.  The individual must not do this for them, they must aid them as it will only compound the negative thoughts they already have in place. In the case of the drunk the mind will say, “see you need someone else to do it for you, you’re worthless” and the individual will continue to drink. By aiding in solving the problem with the individual it will allow them to see that they are doing something positive, which will begin to reprogram the subconscious from the negative towards the positive. Some cases will be too extensive for some to aid with and counselling is a logical solution but the drunk must take his or herself as forced counselling will not work.  

For cases of family members that are obese, food has become a comfort for them, and they substitute the love that they never felt from those around them for food; as food will always be there and it will never let them down. For these people accepting them more into the family will aid in rectifying the problem. Note that people that are obese will be either replacing or hiding from something they feel too difficult to resolve. This is generally social interaction, whether the individual is reclusive or loud and hostile, they keep the weight on so that there is a boundary between themselves and the outside world. When accepting these members into the family don’t do everything for them, allow them to get up and make the tea, the more that they are pampered the more they will resent the individuals as the mind will tell them that being big will get them what they want without trying. The concept is to treat them the same but reinforce the fact that they have someone to turn to and that they are loved.

Extended families will always have those that they define as “meddlers” who constantly want to be in others business. This again is a way of craving attention and to gain acceptance into the family, but because the individual is “socially awkward”, they have never been confident enough to state their opinion in the family without having an answer to a problem they look for problems to solve. Again to rectify this they must be shown that they are part of the family and that they are not just there to solve problems.  

Often in extended families there will be clashes in personalities, these generally come from those that have had a positive self-esteem building upbringings. As both have been brought up thinking that they are both right. To resolve this problem those two individuals that clash will need to discus their points of view with each other. It sounds a simple remedy and it is but individuals don’t always sit and socialise with each other on a personal level and therefore don’t understand where the other person is coming from.

When people look at their extended family they will always encounter those that they deem a problem. Most of those problems extend from the upbringings of those individuals, but whatever individual craves is acceptance. This is something that those in the family that cause problems have never fully experienced and will act out irrationally whether it is through, drink, drugs, vandalism, food, problem-solving or through over-achievement because they want to be noticed and accepted into the family, so they can also live the happy life that they see around them everyday.