What is a real man? Is he a successful entrepreneur? Is he a gifted athlete? Is he an international man of mystery? 

Forget what you see on all beer and liquor commercials. Most of these “real” men are fantasies created by some marketing team trying to separate you from your money. You are either inadequate as a “real man” or you are an inadequate women unworthy of winning a real man. Neither is true.

A real man is a man who exists in the real world. He does not see females as inferiors or trophies. He sees men as men and women as women. He sees children, too, but a real man is very cautious about whether he will consummate the deed that creates them. He realizes that children are an enormous responsibility, as well as a joy-sometimes.

To answer the question what makes a real man, one has to look back over the last 100,000 years of human history. This jarring retro-spective shows that only quite recently has the image of a “real man” had anything to do with being bigger, stronger, tougher, and more manly than others. This quick glance into history shows that men and women were hunter-gatherers for most of the last 100,000 years. They shared the load about equally, according to most Paleo-anthropologists. Their burial, bones, and camp sites reveal that stress loads on both genders were shared equally. Wear and tear on bodies is about equal as well, until women more often had to bear more “farm hands.”

When agriculture was born, so was our lives as real men and real women reborn.

Once people had the capacity to store reserves, of any resource, they began to hoard, and as we all well know by our far-too-many possessions, this always leads to less time. We now have less equality (someone has to clean up this mess) less free time between pregnancy, and less freedom to share tasks equally. No less a scientist than Jared Diamond points out that agriculture has led to more starvation, warfare, and tyranny.

With this in mind, we need only look at the last 10,000 years of human history. This is the epoch in which we all live after all. We are dependent upon agriculture and the artificial subsidized diet it provides which assures prosperity for some cultures, and impoverishment to others. A real man knows all of this due to his efforts at learning to read, write, and think. It is true for real women as well, of course.

A real man will open a door for a woman if she is carrying something, or if he reaches the door first. A real man will notice a woman’s appearance, but be more engaged by her intelligence, kindness, and sense of humor. A real man will not be afraid to cry, or to laugh. He will possibly love sports, but still recognize that the real game is the game of life. In the game of life he plays with extreme passion.

He is as comfortable in a suit as he is in jogging clothes. He loves being outdoors, and not just to shoot Bambi, or catch the biggest fish, but to share the beauty of all nature with those he loves. He may enjoy cars and driving, but if his car gets more stroking than his significant other, he may need some real man, real guidance.

He is kind, caring, funny, masculine, smart and even geeky in some ways. He loves to read, watch great movies and plays, loves music and is not afraid to dance.

He is kind to animals, and is not afraid to find flowers lovely. He is also not afraid to be vulnerable when it is appropriate. He is not afraid to be restrained when it is necessary. He does not find it easy to say “I was wrong.” But he does say it at times, just as women need to do. He is sexy too. What makes a man sexy?

To most mammals, what sets the mind to flights of frenzied fancy is that an interest in them is indicated. That is, we are turned on upon being informed someone is interested.

This may be a real let down for all those men, (and women) who spent billions upon body sprays and “sexy” cars. But it is true. A real man will not be afraid to present himself as he truly is, and not as an athlete, super spy, macho lady killer, or arrogant Trump style, (as in serious? classy) ruthless, business man. He will be everyman. Let’s give it up in a fanfare for the common, REAL man.