Thumbing through the first few pages of The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart, (the book itself about a man trying to find happiness through the boredom of a perfect life) I lingered on a quote from the late American actor Burt Lancaster.

“Why do our fingers to the grain of wood, the cold of steel, the heat of the sun, the flesh of women, become calloused?”

I’ve been there, if temporarily. You’ve, presumably, had a taste as well. And I can tell you, that is precisely the opposite of happiness. If you spin it 180 degrees, stand it on its head and give it a good shake, happiness becomes a scene something like this: fingertips slipping over tiny valleys and nooks, following the grain of wood along the railing of the bridge as they walk, the cold metal of coins in her pocket cooling one hand in mid summer’s day heat that radiates against exposed skin where other hands trace small circles on her collarbone.

The essence of happiness is the little things in life. It’s noticing details. Filling our senses with colours and scents and textures. Feeling alive. Oscar Wilde once said, “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

True happiness comes in truly living and truly living comes from having passion for something. Truly living comes when you want to feel life, when you refuse to let negative experiences callous your ability to show emotions, or your belief in love.

It is different for everyone.

For me, happiness means travelling, seeing the way other’s live and meeting people from all areas of the world. It’s surrounding myself in colours and art and fabrics and textures, music, words, a whirlwind of creativity. Appreciating. Noticing. Feeling. It’s being in love and not being scared of what comes next or if anything comes next. It’s living in the moment and knowing that every moment is mine for the taking.

Happiness is seeing the best in people, in situations, the ability to turn problems into challenges and have enough passion for your dreams to dedicate your own time to them whether you are paid or not.

For me, though maybe not for everyone, happiness has never come in the form of TV. It has never come to me in self-pity, in standing still while the world revolves around me, in waiting.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that no one is going to hand you happiness. It’s something you have to find for yourself. And that includes relationships. Relying on someone else for happiness only breeds resentment. It’s all about self-discovery.

I can read for hours, immerse myself in a story, and be happy. I can write and be happy. I can wander around the city by myself for hours taking photos of the little details, noticing, people watching, and be happy.

There’s no secret ingredient to happiness, no magic spell, or action you can take to find it. It will find you when you find yourself.