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Finding self in Life

I was in a miserable existence trying to just robot myself through the days. When my doctor told me that I had cervical cancer and needed a hysterectomy I panicked. The “C” word had come into my life.

I spent the next month trying to put all my ducks in a row before going for the surgery. In the event I died on the table someone must care for my son, his 13th birthday was going to be while I was in there, the farm needed cared for, etc. It was a bit morbid, but I was ready to die if that was God’s choice.

When I awoke from the surgery and realized I wasn’t in heaven, I thanked God for allowing me to stay put where I was. Through the days of rest in hospital a re-evaluation was undertaken. At the age of 35 who was that person staring back in the mirror.

My life was anything but ideal, but it was better than some. I had hid on a mountain with the excuse of giving my son a good country raising. What I was really doing was hiding from life.

For the next year I started exercising every day, even bought a stationary bike to have my morning coffee with. The weight started falling off and I was feeling pretty good. A diary was started to figure out who I was and what was wanted in the future. Plans were made and destroyed, then readministered.

I rediscovered my love of art. It had never gone away, it was just not pursued because life was so wrapped up in work and being a single mother. A passion for writing was rekindled from the journaling and I started sketching out a few book ideas I had been playing with for years. I found all the “me” items that had been extinguished through the years.

Then another life changing event happened, a man came into my life. I had been alone since my son was born. Love to me was something only to fantasize about because it wasn’t real. Two problems arose, love was real and it lived in Australia.

Everything was sold and belonging that couldn’t be replaced put into storage. I was Australia bound for a love that fulfilled every one of those fantasies that I had over those years. I had found my soul mate after all these years.

We have now been married almost two years, adjustment to Australian life has been wonderful, I went to college for writing courses and I am painting whenever the muse hits me. I have my own art room and have gotten a few articles published. Every dream is complete and I am happy for the first time in my life – truly happy with true love and a life.

Now that is some major lifestyle changes. From a farm to a busy town in another country, no life to a full life and being true to who I am.